A New Sweet Valley
by WhiteVienna
Summary: Our favorite twins, Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield, have been transported to 2012, but they are as beautiful, 5-foot-6, and Californian-blonde as ever! Follow their totally exaggerated high-jinks though Sweet Valley in this parody.


Jessica Wakefield checked her phone for the hundredth time that morning.

"Oh my God, Liz, why won't Todd text me back?" She cried in frustration, throwing herself down on her twin sister's immaculately made bed.

"Maybe he has no credit?" Elizabeth replied reasonably, trying not to notice how Jessica had just upended Elizabeth's prized collection of Care Bears.

"Or maybe he hates me!" Jessica screamed into the pillow. Elizabeth considered this. Todd Wilkins did often act like he hated Jessica, and maybe he didn't appreciate her making moves on him. Especially since Todd was actually in a relationship with Elizabeth. _But, _Elizabeth concluded, _nobody could ever hate Jess. She is such a lovely girl! _Elizabeth looked fondly at her twin, who was pulling of the head of a Care Bear in frustration.

Elizabeth and Jessica, as identical twins are apt to be, were totally identical. They both had straightened blonde hair, perfect five-foot-six figures, blemish-free skin (thanks to Proactive), clear, blue-green eyes, and cookie-cutter personalities. Jess was irrational and careless, Elizabeth was sensible and thoughtful. Elizabeth was smart and studied hard, while Jessica… didn't. Not surprisingly, one of the twins was slightly older. It was Elizabeth, by four minutes, and everybody made a bigger deal out of it than necessary. Jessica was four minutes younger, and nobody particular cared (Much to Jessica's disgust.) Elizabeth was also a writer for the school blog's gossip column, Eyes and Ears, where she did what she did best. Stick her perfect nose into other people's business. Although, of course she was never _mean_. Jessica was president of Pi Beta Alpha, as well as head of the (stereotypical) cheerleading squad, both activities that she took great pleasure in.

"Look, anyway, Liz, I gotta go get ready." Jessica said, finally sitting up, stuffing from the unfortunate bears all around her. "I've got a date tonight, you know." She added as if this was a surprise to anyone. Elizabeth looked up, noting the midday sunshine streaming through the window of her bedroom.

"But Jess, it's not even lunchtime. Surely you're not going to get dressed yet?"

Jessica sighed, like the details of her love-life were something Elizabeth should have memorised.

"No, Elizabeth. I've got a date in an hour, as well. With Ricky Capaldo, obviously."

"Ricky?" Asked Elizabeth "But I thought… he wasn't really your type." Elizabeth finished lamely, not daring to tell Jessica that her date was had a girlfriend, who happened to be Annie Whiteman, a girl on Jessica's cheerleading team.

"Yeah…" Jessica sighed "I know he's not hot, popular, or a jock, if that's what you mean… but you might have noticed I didn't say he's not _rich_, which the only other reason I'd ever date someone."

"Ricky Capaldo… rich?" Asked Elizabeth dubiously.

"Yes, actually, he has a long lost uncle, who happens to be very wealthy." Jessica informed her twin.

"But hasn't this plot been used before? On Roger Barrett?" Elizabeth asked in confusion.

"Whatever, Liz. I need to go get dressed. And I'm borrowing that blue scarf of yours." Jessica breezed out the bedroom, leaving Elizabeth still pondering the ghost-writers' lack of creativity.

"So," Jessica whispered seductively into Ricky's ear "Where are we going for lunch, baby?"

Ricky started his car, nervously looking at Jessica. Ricky was getting sick of his steady girlfriend, Annie's, cheating, and when Jessica had started flirting with him at cheerleading practise, where Ricky was manager, he had jumped at the chance for a date. He hadn't quite made the connection that this had started less than a day after his rich uncle joining the Capaldo family had become public knowledge.

"Maybe MacDonald's?" He said, watching for Jessica's reaction. The reaction was utter rage.

"What?" Jessica yelled at Ricky, her eyes blazing "MacDoland's? _MacDoland's? _You are seriously going to take the beautiful, talented, stunning, way-out-of-your-league-anyway, Jessica Wakefield to MacDoland's? You are loaded, you tight-wad!"

"No, no… I'm not." Managed Ricky, trying not to look down Jessica's low-cut top as she loomed over him. "My uncle is refusing to give any of us any of his cash."

"So… you can't afford to buy my clothes, give me money, or take me out to expensive restaurants?" Jessica screeched, her voice high at this injustice.

"No, Jess, I can't. But… but, maybe we could have a nice day anyway?"

Jessica screamed at the top of her voice. "No, we definitely cannot! I want your money, not your company, and you don't have any! Let me out of your disgusting car right now, Ricky! I hate you, and I never, _ever_, want to see you again!" She spat in his face, and threw herself out of the vehicle.

_That's it_, Jessica thought viciously, slowly trekking back home. _Ricky Capaldo will pay._

**Will Jessica get her revenge? Will Todd ever text her back? Will Elizabeth manage to sew her Care Bear's head back on? Find out in Chapter 2 of 'A New Sweet Valley'!**

**Reviews would be **_**much**_** appreciated!**


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